Procrastinators Exist! And Other Finals Week Life Lessons

I don't know why, but this week I somehow managed to convince myself that I was the only one in my feature writing class to procrastinate our final article. This, among other things, led to all sorts of self-doubt about my abilities as a writer.

{This is just about how I get at the end of every finals week}

And so I thought "What if I really am a rubbish writer and that feeling wasn't just burnout from last semester? What if I never get published again? What if my novels or other books never sell? What if I end up a total failure with no job, no life, no nothing?"

Then I realized several things:

Finals Week is NOT the time to make a decision about your future, fate or destiny. You're tired, so far beyond done with everything, and under a lot of pressure to keep chugging on despite that. Wait a good week after it's all over to ask yourself the probing, deep, soul-searching questions. Down time during spring and summer is a marvelous opportunity for contemplation and healing.

 I am not the only one in my class to have procrastinated the article. My lovely friend Alex works in the post office of the BYU Bookstore, so Hailey and I met here when we posted a letter to our friend Elder Tay in Fiji. It was then that I learned she hadn't even started the article, when I actually have my lead and first section figured out. Apparently everyone in class is just better at faking confidence and preparedness than me--those closest to me do say I have a dreadful poker face. There is nothing shameful in procrastinating; nobody actively tries to procrastinate, because we'd all like to have the thing over and done with so we don't have to worry about it anymore. Sometimes, we all succumb to Action Anxiety in which we fear to do something and so we avoid it. 90% of the times I have procrastinated in my life, this is why. And that's ok, because I always get it done in the end.

I am not a rubbish writer. Stuff is coming together, I am simply burned out.

 And that's ok. Because even though it isn't the monstrosity Fall was, it wore me out. I have a lot to deal with and I am doing my best. As we would have said in German, back when I still took German, alles gute. 

Even if I were to wake up one morning and suddenly hate writing, I'd find something else to do. That's the great thing about being unpicky and eclectic--we like almost everything under the sun. And I really need to stop freaking out about the fact that my patriarchal blessing--and my inner circle--keeps bringing up the idea of me teaching. If teaching is in store for me--which, to be honest, I think I'd be the most rubbish teacher--then the Lord will put the opportunity in my path and I'll know it when it comes along. That's the great thing about putting our lives in the Lord's hands: he'll take care of things as long as we're righteous. So we really don't have to worry about it. 

I am going to have a nice, warm vacation, where I can reconnect with myself and get back to worrying about what's most important for me. It will be a time of self-care, rediscovery, and healing.

Mr. VanEerden, or Mr. V,  my sixth-grade teacher, used to end his rather useful tangents in class by calling them "Life Lessons." So, anytime my experiences produce random profundities, I think of them as "Life Lessons" in his honor.

 So, I won't be doing much on here in the next few days--my trend article and the other thousand things for me to do over the next few days take priority--but I hope to post lots of new content from the airport and Las Vegas!